"No China," Yaojie said this morning when I told him he'd be starting Mandarin language classes, "America."
Before Yaojie's arrival, I networked hard with the Asian community. No one of even remote Asian ancestry crossed my path without me striking up a conversation, asking them to be my personal language tutor, requesting they do some light translation... or simply smiling giddily at our invisible connection. I set up play dates with families with little boys adopted from China, Hong Kong, Korea & Thailand. I located a bilingual babysitter and a Chinese pediatrician. I joined the local chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). I bought Chinese art and soaked up all Ni Hao Kailan had to offer. I once --OK, three times-- accosted an elderly Chinese man at the playground. And I'm not a bit sorry --he was from Shanghai! With a bilingual grandson Yao's age! After only minimal badgering, he gave me his phone number. I tried not the read into the fact that it had an out-of-state area code. Or that he darted to his car directly after.
It's all been for naught --Yaojie shuns all things Chinese. I did not see that one coming.
When he is around adults of Chinese descent --especially when they speak Mandarin to him--, he clings to me, wants me to hold him close, becomes nervous & agitated. The very thing I thought would bring comfort, instead brings fear. I guess it's not that difficult to understand. Everything Western has been so positive for him --Attention! Toys! Fun outings everyday! All you can eat! Kisses & hugs! I think he sees reminders of China as a threat --he does not want to lose his new life. How does he even wrap his 5 year old brain around his situation?
So we will continue to infuse bits of China into our daily life and seek to instill positive feelings in Yaojie for his homeland. We will continue Mandarin classes and hope to strengthen Yaojie's friendships with other Asian children, adopted and not. We want him to know that he can be 100% Chinese, 100% American, and 100% ours.
Before Yaojie's arrival, I networked hard with the Asian community. No one of even remote Asian ancestry crossed my path without me striking up a conversation, asking them to be my personal language tutor, requesting they do some light translation... or simply smiling giddily at our invisible connection. I set up play dates with families with little boys adopted from China, Hong Kong, Korea & Thailand. I located a bilingual babysitter and a Chinese pediatrician. I joined the local chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). I bought Chinese art and soaked up all Ni Hao Kailan had to offer. I once --OK, three times-- accosted an elderly Chinese man at the playground. And I'm not a bit sorry --he was from Shanghai! With a bilingual grandson Yao's age! After only minimal badgering, he gave me his phone number. I tried not the read into the fact that it had an out-of-state area code. Or that he darted to his car directly after.
It's all been for naught --Yaojie shuns all things Chinese. I did not see that one coming.
When he is around adults of Chinese descent --especially when they speak Mandarin to him--, he clings to me, wants me to hold him close, becomes nervous & agitated. The very thing I thought would bring comfort, instead brings fear. I guess it's not that difficult to understand. Everything Western has been so positive for him --Attention! Toys! Fun outings everyday! All you can eat! Kisses & hugs! I think he sees reminders of China as a threat --he does not want to lose his new life. How does he even wrap his 5 year old brain around his situation?
So we will continue to infuse bits of China into our daily life and seek to instill positive feelings in Yaojie for his homeland. We will continue Mandarin classes and hope to strengthen Yaojie's friendships with other Asian children, adopted and not. We want him to know that he can be 100% Chinese, 100% American, and 100% ours.
Very interesting. Sweet guy trying to process all this newness. Gives us some idea of what to expect with Drew.
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