2 Months Home!

Last week marked out 2-months-home anniversary. It's been a time filled with highs and lows, happy tears and sad tears. Here is a look at some of our triumphs and challenges.

Triumphs:
*Yaojie's English is incredible, he speaks hundreds of words and understands the gist of everything you say. He is unbelievably bright.
*Although he's not joining the AKC anytime soon, Yaojie has accepted the dogs and will even pet and walk them.
*Yaojie no longer screams and bangs on the window every time I leave --he even stayed with the babysitter so I could go to an event at Josh's preschool and then stayed with Grandma and Grandpa one afternoon so Eric and I could go to lunch.
*I have been able to move from the floor by Yao's bed to the couch in the living room... slowly working my way towards the bed I haven't slept in since February.
*Yaojie loves being out and about and welcomes any outing as the adventure of a lifetime, whether it to the park or grocery store.
*Yaojie continues to be very affectionate and loving. There is a real bond forming between the kids, who laugh, play and argue like siblings.

Challenges:
*We knew going in that adopting an older child --and adopting out of birth order-- would pose some challenges. I remember our social worker once saying that she had no doubt that Yaojie would flourish, it was Josh and Cara she was worried about. While I don't think they actually realize that Yaojie is the oldest --he is very small-- Josh and Cara are having a hard time with the new competition for my attention. We've seen regression in both --Cara demands much more lap time than she previously needed and Josh now speaks in broken English. At Josh's 4 year well-check, the pediatrician was asking him some cognitive questions: What is your mom's name? Where do you live?, etc... Josh answers were immature, partially in Chinese and outright outlandish. I told the doctor, "um... please stop writing this down..." Most days are like a circus of attention-seeking behavior. Yaojie also continues to have blowout tantrums, and since he often requires restraint* this allows Cara plenty of time to indulge her 2 year old quest for unsupervised mayhem. Also, Yaojie is very demanding. We often wonder if this is borne of now receiving enough attention at the orphanage, or if, being sick, he is used to being doted on and getting his way. We are working on patience with him as well as delay of gratification. This is also a key part of the tantrum cycle, he will ask for something, I will say yes, but he will ask for it repeatedly until he receives it: "Eggs, please, Mommy" "OK, I'll make you eggs" "Eggs, Mommy... eggs, eggs, eggs, Mommy,....EGGS MOMMY... (repeat until served)" I know part of this is a language barrier issue, as well as a maturity issue --in many ways he is two years old, not five. But this continues to be something we work on daily and subsequently work on with all three children since a bad habit for one now equals a bad habit for all. A final challenge is Yaojie's medical issues and the sub par care we have been receiving so far. With kindergarten looming, this will need to be addressed in a new way.

In all, we all have been doing very well. We fully anticipated and were prepared for a huge transition and many challenges. In some ways, the fact that Yaojie is doing so well causes me to have too-high expectations all-around and that's not fair. We will continue to work to meet Yaojie's needs medically, socially, and emotionally, just as with Josh and Cara. It is so exciting to watch our children grow and blossom.

*For those not in the know, I am a special education teacher who has been trained in proper restraint technique --who knew it would come in handy at home? :)