Two Sundays ago, a local park hosted "Kids Day on the Farm", a full day of baby animal feeding, pony riding, face painting, tractor riding & other such farm-o-licious activities. Needless to say, the kids loved it. But it was HOT. When we finally returned home --red-faced and sticky-- we all just wanted to plop down on the couch and veg. So it wasn't a surprise that Josh just wanted to lay around all evening. It was odd that he put himself to bed before 8pm... but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? The next day the kids and I met friends at the beach and spent the day splashing in the water, building sandcastles, searching for shells... but not Josh. He curled up on one towel, covered himself with another, and wanted to be left alone. Then he crawled into my lap --an everyday occurrence for Cara or Yao, but not Josh. He burst into tears when a friend's daughter touched his pine cone. Still only mildly concerned, we went home where Josh sat idly staring into space while I unpacked the car, then fell asleep on the dining room floor. I put him on the couch. Where he fell immediately asleep. Also, he had started incessantly sucking at his lower lip. I started googling "lethargy"...and that's when it crossed my mind that he had been hit in the head by a heavy door on a friend's boat the week prior. Lump, ice, back to swimming, no-big-deal. But when my search of lethargy+blunt force trauma to the head+personality changes = things such as brain bleeding, then I called the doctor. Who said to bring him in right away.
At the pediatrician's office, we saw a different doctor in the practice. The doctor was concerned about the lip sucking most of all. He asked if Josh was developmentally typical. He said Josh was resorting to "primitive behaviors" (um, doctor, want to see primitive behaviors, come check out my house any day of the week!) He was sure Josh was having a seizure, was bleeding internally, or had meningitis. By now, our regular pediatrician came in and was asking Josh cognitive questions, which Josh was responding to with a mix of blank stare and lip sucking. We were sent to the adjacent hospital for a CT scan (ok.) and a spinal tap (YIKES!) I said I preferred him to be seen at Johns Hopkins instead and the doctor said we didn't have time to get to Hopkins (DOUBLE YIKES!) He said to enter through the ER and they would be expecting us.
So off we went for tests. I have to say that Josh's lethargy certainly came in handy --he was relatively calm through receiving his first IV, sat perfectly still for his CT scan & didn't bat an eye when, at about 1am two crazed teenagers were admitted who spent the night screaming, attempting escape and being restrained by the police. He even slept quietly when, at 3am, they sent us to Johns Hopkins by ambulance to be seen by the pediatric neuro team. He never woke until he was in his new room.
By the time he woke at Hopkins, Josh was showing signs of getting back to himself. His primary concern was that there was no remote for the tv like there had been at our local hospital. He was still quiet and compliant (so not completely back to normal ;) Concern lessened over the hours --at one point the doctor was asking Josh questions and asked if he liked Dora the Explorer. I said, "Oh, Cara does, huh?" to which my 4 year old wise acre replied, "Cara? Who's Cara?... Oh... is she the small one who likes pink and eats Band Aids?" Um, messing with the neuro team --not funny, mister. Josh was back and within a half hour he was breakdancing in the hospital cafeteria to prove it.
So after all of that, it was likely just a quick virus combined with a little nervous lip sucking. Josh is back in full force --bouncing, yelling, laughing, running, bothering his siblings. Still primitive, but oh, so wonderfully four.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
To sleep... perchance to dream...
I am no stranger to sleep deprivation. As a baby, Cara deemed sleep utterly useless and opted instead for alternating between nonstop screaming and nonstop nursing. For 13 months. I spent the later part of 2007 and most of 2008 in a sleep-starved fog. There were times when, intoxicated with fatigue, I had to pull the car over and regain my wits. More than once I pulled over and took a quick cat nap in a random parking lot. I once went to work wearing non-matching shoes. One day I heard the song "Crazy Train" (Ozzy Osboure... don't judge me...) while driving (why was I always driving?!) and, realizing that the song encapsulated my life at the time, I turned it up so loud that I feared I would blow the speakers "I know that things are going wrong for me..." You get the picture: I was tired.
And I'm tired once again. Like Cara*, Yaojie has always wanted me over Eric. Me to wake with him at the crack of dawn. Me to sleep beside his bed. Me to wake with him in the night. This has translated into me not having slept in a bed since China (and if you've been to the White Swan Hotel, that is more board-with-hospital corners than bed) and not having slept in my bed since February.
I know what you are thinking: Let him cry it out. He'll get over it. Lay down the law, Woman. But the truth is that it's easier for me to sleep on his floor. On the rare occasion that I'm feeling risky and try to sleep on the couch --about 10 yards away-- Yaojie wakes in a panic and then starts looking for me. And then I've got two** crying, clinging children on my hands. And Cara likes to sing herself to sleep --and I'm just not usually up for participating in or even hearing her befuddled rounds of Mary Had a Little Lamb at 3am. But when I sleep next to his bed, Yao doesn't wake me in the night. He must sense my presence and dozes on happily and securely. This is important, this trust and security, to all children but to a newly adopted child especially. And when he is in pain during the night, which is often the case, I am right there by his side to smooth his hair and pour the Tylenol. And Cara's babyhood made me realize that I don't care where I sleep... so long as I get to sleep! So I've accepted my new roommates for now and am focusing on the positives, such as the fact that he draws so much comfort from me in the first place. He knows I am always there for him, regardless of time. To him, I am home. Maybe things aren't going so wrong for me after all.
* I should note that Josh has always sought Eric and I equally. And has slept through the night since 3 months. And will sleep until 10am if you let him. Which is why he's my favorite.
** No amount of screaming, wall-banging, or round singing would rouse Josh from his slumber. But Cara will wake if the neighbor opens up a can of Coke.
And I'm tired once again. Like Cara*, Yaojie has always wanted me over Eric. Me to wake with him at the crack of dawn. Me to sleep beside his bed. Me to wake with him in the night. This has translated into me not having slept in a bed since China (and if you've been to the White Swan Hotel, that is more board-with-hospital corners than bed) and not having slept in my bed since February.
I know what you are thinking: Let him cry it out. He'll get over it. Lay down the law, Woman. But the truth is that it's easier for me to sleep on his floor. On the rare occasion that I'm feeling risky and try to sleep on the couch --about 10 yards away-- Yaojie wakes in a panic and then starts looking for me. And then I've got two** crying, clinging children on my hands. And Cara likes to sing herself to sleep --and I'm just not usually up for participating in or even hearing her befuddled rounds of Mary Had a Little Lamb at 3am. But when I sleep next to his bed, Yao doesn't wake me in the night. He must sense my presence and dozes on happily and securely. This is important, this trust and security, to all children but to a newly adopted child especially. And when he is in pain during the night, which is often the case, I am right there by his side to smooth his hair and pour the Tylenol. And Cara's babyhood made me realize that I don't care where I sleep... so long as I get to sleep! So I've accepted my new roommates for now and am focusing on the positives, such as the fact that he draws so much comfort from me in the first place. He knows I am always there for him, regardless of time. To him, I am home. Maybe things aren't going so wrong for me after all.
* I should note that Josh has always sought Eric and I equally. And has slept through the night since 3 months. And will sleep until 10am if you let him. Which is why he's my favorite.
** No amount of screaming, wall-banging, or round singing would rouse Josh from his slumber. But Cara will wake if the neighbor opens up a can of Coke.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wonderful Wednesday
Today Eric took a personal day from work --after yesterday, can you blame him?-- and the five of us packed a picnic lunch and headed to a wonderful local park. We played on the playground, rode our bikes along a wooded path to the water and then rented a paddle boat & had our lunch on the Bay. It was a beautiful 70 degrees and one of the best family days we've had. Just 2 months ago, Yaojie did not have the leg muscles to pedal his tricycle, now he can patter along, nearly keeping up with Josh and Cara. One month ago, he was still terrified of dogs, today he reacted with only mild annoyance when a strange German Shepherd licked his face. Only weeks ago, he was still unsteady on the backyard swing, today he showed off how he could pump his legs to swing higher. It's staggering when you take stock of his improvements. And he's not the only one learning and growing each day: When Yaojie started to gear up for a tantrum on the ride home --his first of the day-- I tried a new approach: "Oh, Eric," I said loudly and excitedly so that the kids would be sure to overhear, "didn't Yaojie do such a great job sharing today? Wasn't that so nice of him and Josh to take turns steering the paddle boat? And wasn't Cara a fast peddler on her bike!" Sure and begorrah, it worked. The impending tantrum defused and soon all the children were smiling over the happy memories of the day and beaming with pride over my complements. Eric glanced at me in the rear-view mirror. We were beaming, too.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Growing Closer by Falling Apart
Anyone have May 18th in the poll of when Jamie would finally lose her mind entirely? Consider yourself a winner!
As any parent knows, some days are just hard. This morning was marked with screaming, arguing, & ill-temperedness all around... with some physical assaults thrown in for good measure. Both Josh and Cara were sick last week, so we faced 10 days of limited outside time, zero playdates and criminal amounts of Sprout. By yesterday, everyone was fully recovered... just in time for the rain to start. So I get it, we're all a bit stir crazy. But Yaojie was just having an especially tough morning --the cereal was not poured quickly enough, the wrong colored spoon was offered, he did not get the carseat of choice in the minivan (causing him to chant "Never! Never! Never!..." the whole way to Josh's preschool --thereby causing Josh to shriek "You can't say never! You can't say never!..." and me to wonder how I can safely soundproof the entire second and third row seating.) I then had two friends and their children over and Yaojie remained just one baby-step above full tantrum mode the entire time. We've been trying to be stricter with Yaojie --you're welcome, future kindergarten teacher-- and this has proven to mean that a meltdown is never far from the surface. And the meltdowns came in force today --I couldn't locate the "small red basketball" he wanted, the puzzle pieces wouldn't snap together correctly, Playdoh and the couch don't mix... Eventually, he started doing things just to get a rise out of me: Cara would walk by and he'd say, "hit" and give her a swat; he'd topple a chair for the fun of it. I tried reverse psychology: "You threw all the balls down the steps? Good idea! Studying gravity at such a young age!" I tried ignoring: "Ho, hum, I do not see you ripping the page from the book". I tried praise: "Good aim!" But as the day wore on and my patience wore thin, and Josh and Cara grew bitter from the dose of neglect I was forced to dish out --that's when the hitting started. Yaojie started hitting me, kicking me, biting, spitting, all in a whirlwind of sadness and anger.
At 3:30 I sent Eric a text to the effect of if he didn't leave work right now then there was going to be a Jamie-shaped hole in the wall. And then I burst into tears. I was alone with Yaojie in his room --Cara and Josh being kept busy by the box of Popsicles I gave them so I could engage Yaojie in yet another "time in" in his room. Oh, I know --I know-- that seeing your mother cry is scary. Bad idea. Bad parenting. (I'm still reeling from seeing my own mother cry. After the Pirates lost a playoff game to Atlanta in 1992. OK, it was my mom and dad... and brother, but I digress...) But I had reached the pinnacle of frustration --and when it rains, it pours. I went into the boys' bathroom, sat down, and sobbed. It had been a long time coming --months of paperwork, waiting, anticipating, traveling to China, leaving behind Josh and Cara, bonding with Yao, ending up in the hospital, dealing with behavioral challenges times three. 'What,' I couldn't help but think 'have I done?'
And then there was Yaojie, by my side. By then I was calmed & embarrassed. He handed me a Kleenex and put his arms around me. He kissed my cheek. I pulled him onto my lap, told him I was sorry, told him I was trying hard and that I knew that everything was hard on him. And then he did something he had never done. He told me a little bit about China. He told me "China different". He told me he liked America. He told me that in China no one read to him and that he didn't have an mother, only "aunt". Oh, Yaojie. Oh, my 5 year old boy.
So I am going to make some changes --changes to build a closer, stronger, happier family. Isn't that what every mother wants? Ours may be a longer, more winding road. But there will be plenty of beautiful scenery along the way.
As any parent knows, some days are just hard. This morning was marked with screaming, arguing, & ill-temperedness all around... with some physical assaults thrown in for good measure. Both Josh and Cara were sick last week, so we faced 10 days of limited outside time, zero playdates and criminal amounts of Sprout. By yesterday, everyone was fully recovered... just in time for the rain to start. So I get it, we're all a bit stir crazy. But Yaojie was just having an especially tough morning --the cereal was not poured quickly enough, the wrong colored spoon was offered, he did not get the carseat of choice in the minivan (causing him to chant "Never! Never! Never!..." the whole way to Josh's preschool --thereby causing Josh to shriek "You can't say never! You can't say never!..." and me to wonder how I can safely soundproof the entire second and third row seating.) I then had two friends and their children over and Yaojie remained just one baby-step above full tantrum mode the entire time. We've been trying to be stricter with Yaojie --you're welcome, future kindergarten teacher-- and this has proven to mean that a meltdown is never far from the surface. And the meltdowns came in force today --I couldn't locate the "small red basketball" he wanted, the puzzle pieces wouldn't snap together correctly, Playdoh and the couch don't mix... Eventually, he started doing things just to get a rise out of me: Cara would walk by and he'd say, "hit" and give her a swat; he'd topple a chair for the fun of it. I tried reverse psychology: "You threw all the balls down the steps? Good idea! Studying gravity at such a young age!" I tried ignoring: "Ho, hum, I do not see you ripping the page from the book". I tried praise: "Good aim!" But as the day wore on and my patience wore thin, and Josh and Cara grew bitter from the dose of neglect I was forced to dish out --that's when the hitting started. Yaojie started hitting me, kicking me, biting, spitting, all in a whirlwind of sadness and anger.
At 3:30 I sent Eric a text to the effect of if he didn't leave work right now then there was going to be a Jamie-shaped hole in the wall. And then I burst into tears. I was alone with Yaojie in his room --Cara and Josh being kept busy by the box of Popsicles I gave them so I could engage Yaojie in yet another "time in" in his room. Oh, I know --I know-- that seeing your mother cry is scary. Bad idea. Bad parenting. (I'm still reeling from seeing my own mother cry. After the Pirates lost a playoff game to Atlanta in 1992. OK, it was my mom and dad... and brother, but I digress...) But I had reached the pinnacle of frustration --and when it rains, it pours. I went into the boys' bathroom, sat down, and sobbed. It had been a long time coming --months of paperwork, waiting, anticipating, traveling to China, leaving behind Josh and Cara, bonding with Yao, ending up in the hospital, dealing with behavioral challenges times three. 'What,' I couldn't help but think 'have I done?'
And then there was Yaojie, by my side. By then I was calmed & embarrassed. He handed me a Kleenex and put his arms around me. He kissed my cheek. I pulled him onto my lap, told him I was sorry, told him I was trying hard and that I knew that everything was hard on him. And then he did something he had never done. He told me a little bit about China. He told me "China different". He told me he liked America. He told me that in China no one read to him and that he didn't have an mother, only "aunt". Oh, Yaojie. Oh, my 5 year old boy.
So I am going to make some changes --changes to build a closer, stronger, happier family. Isn't that what every mother wants? Ours may be a longer, more winding road. But there will be plenty of beautiful scenery along the way.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
2 Months Home!
Last week marked out 2-months-home anniversary. It's been a time filled with highs and lows, happy tears and sad tears. Here is a look at some of our triumphs and challenges.
Triumphs:
*Yaojie's English is incredible, he speaks hundreds of words and understands the gist of everything you say. He is unbelievably bright.
*Although he's not joining the AKC anytime soon, Yaojie has accepted the dogs and will even pet and walk them.
*Yaojie no longer screams and bangs on the window every time I leave --he even stayed with the babysitter so I could go to an event at Josh's preschool and then stayed with Grandma and Grandpa one afternoon so Eric and I could go to lunch.
*I have been able to move from the floor by Yao's bed to the couch in the living room... slowly working my way towards the bed I haven't slept in since February.
*Yaojie loves being out and about and welcomes any outing as the adventure of a lifetime, whether it to the park or grocery store.
*Yaojie continues to be very affectionate and loving. There is a real bond forming between the kids, who laugh, play and argue like siblings.
Challenges:
*We knew going in that adopting an older child --and adopting out of birth order-- would pose some challenges. I remember our social worker once saying that she had no doubt that Yaojie would flourish, it was Josh and Cara she was worried about. While I don't think they actually realize that Yaojie is the oldest --he is very small-- Josh and Cara are having a hard time with the new competition for my attention. We've seen regression in both --Cara demands much more lap time than she previously needed and Josh now speaks in broken English. At Josh's 4 year well-check, the pediatrician was asking him some cognitive questions: What is your mom's name? Where do you live?, etc... Josh answers were immature, partially in Chinese and outright outlandish. I told the doctor, "um... please stop writing this down..." Most days are like a circus of attention-seeking behavior. Yaojie also continues to have blowout tantrums, and since he often requires restraint* this allows Cara plenty of time to indulge her 2 year old quest for unsupervised mayhem. Also, Yaojie is very demanding. We often wonder if this is borne of now receiving enough attention at the orphanage, or if, being sick, he is used to being doted on and getting his way. We are working on patience with him as well as delay of gratification. This is also a key part of the tantrum cycle, he will ask for something, I will say yes, but he will ask for it repeatedly until he receives it: "Eggs, please, Mommy" "OK, I'll make you eggs" "Eggs, Mommy... eggs, eggs, eggs, Mommy,....EGGS MOMMY... (repeat until served)" I know part of this is a language barrier issue, as well as a maturity issue --in many ways he is two years old, not five. But this continues to be something we work on daily and subsequently work on with all three children since a bad habit for one now equals a bad habit for all. A final challenge is Yaojie's medical issues and the sub par care we have been receiving so far. With kindergarten looming, this will need to be addressed in a new way.
In all, we all have been doing very well. We fully anticipated and were prepared for a huge transition and many challenges. In some ways, the fact that Yaojie is doing so well causes me to have too-high expectations all-around and that's not fair. We will continue to work to meet Yaojie's needs medically, socially, and emotionally, just as with Josh and Cara. It is so exciting to watch our children grow and blossom.
*For those not in the know, I am a special education teacher who has been trained in proper restraint technique --who knew it would come in handy at home? :)
Triumphs:
*Yaojie's English is incredible, he speaks hundreds of words and understands the gist of everything you say. He is unbelievably bright.
*Although he's not joining the AKC anytime soon, Yaojie has accepted the dogs and will even pet and walk them.
*Yaojie no longer screams and bangs on the window every time I leave --he even stayed with the babysitter so I could go to an event at Josh's preschool and then stayed with Grandma and Grandpa one afternoon so Eric and I could go to lunch.
*I have been able to move from the floor by Yao's bed to the couch in the living room... slowly working my way towards the bed I haven't slept in since February.
*Yaojie loves being out and about and welcomes any outing as the adventure of a lifetime, whether it to the park or grocery store.
*Yaojie continues to be very affectionate and loving. There is a real bond forming between the kids, who laugh, play and argue like siblings.
Challenges:
*We knew going in that adopting an older child --and adopting out of birth order-- would pose some challenges. I remember our social worker once saying that she had no doubt that Yaojie would flourish, it was Josh and Cara she was worried about. While I don't think they actually realize that Yaojie is the oldest --he is very small-- Josh and Cara are having a hard time with the new competition for my attention. We've seen regression in both --Cara demands much more lap time than she previously needed and Josh now speaks in broken English. At Josh's 4 year well-check, the pediatrician was asking him some cognitive questions: What is your mom's name? Where do you live?, etc... Josh answers were immature, partially in Chinese and outright outlandish. I told the doctor, "um... please stop writing this down..." Most days are like a circus of attention-seeking behavior. Yaojie also continues to have blowout tantrums, and since he often requires restraint* this allows Cara plenty of time to indulge her 2 year old quest for unsupervised mayhem. Also, Yaojie is very demanding. We often wonder if this is borne of now receiving enough attention at the orphanage, or if, being sick, he is used to being doted on and getting his way. We are working on patience with him as well as delay of gratification. This is also a key part of the tantrum cycle, he will ask for something, I will say yes, but he will ask for it repeatedly until he receives it: "Eggs, please, Mommy" "OK, I'll make you eggs" "Eggs, Mommy... eggs, eggs, eggs, Mommy,....EGGS MOMMY... (repeat until served)" I know part of this is a language barrier issue, as well as a maturity issue --in many ways he is two years old, not five. But this continues to be something we work on daily and subsequently work on with all three children since a bad habit for one now equals a bad habit for all. A final challenge is Yaojie's medical issues and the sub par care we have been receiving so far. With kindergarten looming, this will need to be addressed in a new way.
In all, we all have been doing very well. We fully anticipated and were prepared for a huge transition and many challenges. In some ways, the fact that Yaojie is doing so well causes me to have too-high expectations all-around and that's not fair. We will continue to work to meet Yaojie's needs medically, socially, and emotionally, just as with Josh and Cara. It is so exciting to watch our children grow and blossom.
*For those not in the know, I am a special education teacher who has been trained in proper restraint technique --who knew it would come in handy at home? :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Things I Will (almost) Never Hear All Day Once I Go Back to Work
1. "Moooooommmm, Cara's eating Play-Doh!!"
2. "Boom, boom, bang, crash" *the sound of someone falling down the steps.
3. "Look, mommy, I don't wear clothes!"
4. "Whooosh, glug, glug, glug." *the sound of an entire roll of Charmin being flushed down the toilet.
5. "I'm just a kid who's 4, each day I learn some more, I like exploring, I'm Cailou..."
6. "Hermie is stuck in the VCR."
7. "Here, a booger."
8. "Sllluurrrp, sllluurrrp,..." *the sound of a two-year-old and her dog sharing a Popsicle"
2. "Boom, boom, bang, crash" *the sound of someone falling down the steps.
3. "Look, mommy, I don't wear clothes!"
4. "Whooosh, glug, glug, glug." *the sound of an entire roll of Charmin being flushed down the toilet.
5. "I'm just a kid who's 4, each day I learn some more, I like exploring, I'm Cailou..."
6. "Hermie is stuck in the VCR."
7. "Here, a booger."
8. "Sllluurrrp, sllluurrrp,..." *the sound of a two-year-old and her dog sharing a Popsicle"
Monday, May 10, 2010
It's a Girl Thing
Getting Dressed in the Morning: A Play in Two Acts
Act I
Me: "Cara, let's get dressed."
Cara: "OK!!" Runs into bedroom, excitedly. "I want to wear pink!!!"
Me: "OK, here, wear your Care Bear shirt and these pants."
Cara: "Nooooooo!!! No Care Bears!!" Tosses shirt to the ground in disgust. "Wear pink dress"
Me: "Cara, it's 50 degrees and raining today. Too cold for a sundress. Here is another pink shirt..."
Cara: "No!! Dress! I want to be a pink princess" Scowls in a decidedly unprincesslike manner. "Give it to meeeeee!!" Uses the nightstand in the closet as a springboard to pull down her choices. "Wear this!
Me: "Cara, get down, you can't wear a pink tutu to the dentist."
Cara: "Where is my princess dress?"
Me: "That's a costume. You aren't wearing it."
Cara: "Mommy, can you get out?"
Me: "No, put on this pink shirt and pants."
Cara: "OK, Mommy."
Me: Looking suspicious of my easy victory as I help her dress and then leave
Cara: Emerging from her room wearing a blue summer dress inside out. "I'm ready! But am I still the pink princess?"
Me: Returning to her room to find that not only had she completely changed clothes, but she had managed to hang the original clothes back in the closet. "Always."
Act II
Me: "Josh, wear this. Yaojie, wear this."
Josh: "OK."
Yaojie: "OK."
Act I
Me: "Cara, let's get dressed."
Cara: "OK!!" Runs into bedroom, excitedly. "I want to wear pink!!!"
Me: "OK, here, wear your Care Bear shirt and these pants."
Cara: "Nooooooo!!! No Care Bears!!" Tosses shirt to the ground in disgust. "Wear pink dress"
Me: "Cara, it's 50 degrees and raining today. Too cold for a sundress. Here is another pink shirt..."
Cara: "No!! Dress! I want to be a pink princess" Scowls in a decidedly unprincesslike manner. "Give it to meeeeee!!" Uses the nightstand in the closet as a springboard to pull down her choices. "Wear this!
Me: "Cara, get down, you can't wear a pink tutu to the dentist."
Cara: "Where is my princess dress?"
Me: "That's a costume. You aren't wearing it."
Cara: "Mommy, can you get out?"
Me: "No, put on this pink shirt and pants."
Cara: "OK, Mommy."
Me: Looking suspicious of my easy victory as I help her dress and then leave
Cara: Emerging from her room wearing a blue summer dress inside out. "I'm ready! But am I still the pink princess?"
Me: Returning to her room to find that not only had she completely changed clothes, but she had managed to hang the original clothes back in the closet. "Always."
Act II
Me: "Josh, wear this. Yaojie, wear this."
Josh: "OK."
Yaojie: "OK."
Sunday, May 9, 2010
WAY BACK MACHINE, circa 2006
I wrote this right after Josh was born as a way of describing new motherhood to a friend. What wonderful memories it brings of falling in love with my now 4 year old boy! Happy Mother's Day, all!
Before Becoming a Mother, I Never Knew--
...that it could take until noon to find time to eat breakfast.
...that I could simultaneously operate a double breast pump, rock a baby to sleep, and do my taxes.
...that the fact that my son is mesmerized by the lines on my headboard is NO indication of his intelligence.
...that there comes a point when you just don't care how many "lactation consultants" squeeze your boobs.
...that being vomited on at 2am is just not as much fun as it was at age 21.
...that baby boys actually take great delight in urinating all over their mother.
...that an 8 pound human would necessitate a continuous stream of laundry.
...that a solo trip to the bank or post office could feel like a vacation.
...that my heart would swell, Grinch-style every time he smiles at me.
...that I would be secretly pleased when only Mommy can stop him from crying.
...that sometimes I would look at him and burst into tears because I am so lucky.
...that feeling your baby roll and flutter inside of you is an indescribable joy.
...that seeing your husband hold your baby would make you fall in love with him all over again.
...that our parents have waited their whole lives for this.
...that true contentment is an infant nuzzled against your chest.
...that I would thank God every night.
...the wonderful feeling of tiny fingers grasping mine.
...that I really would love him more each day.
...that hearing him laugh and watching him learn would be the greatest moments of my life.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
"No China. America."
"No China," Yaojie said this morning when I told him he'd be starting Mandarin language classes, "America."
Before Yaojie's arrival, I networked hard with the Asian community. No one of even remote Asian ancestry crossed my path without me striking up a conversation, asking them to be my personal language tutor, requesting they do some light translation... or simply smiling giddily at our invisible connection. I set up play dates with families with little boys adopted from China, Hong Kong, Korea & Thailand. I located a bilingual babysitter and a Chinese pediatrician. I joined the local chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). I bought Chinese art and soaked up all Ni Hao Kailan had to offer. I once --OK, three times-- accosted an elderly Chinese man at the playground. And I'm not a bit sorry --he was from Shanghai! With a bilingual grandson Yao's age! After only minimal badgering, he gave me his phone number. I tried not the read into the fact that it had an out-of-state area code. Or that he darted to his car directly after.
It's all been for naught --Yaojie shuns all things Chinese. I did not see that one coming.
When he is around adults of Chinese descent --especially when they speak Mandarin to him--, he clings to me, wants me to hold him close, becomes nervous & agitated. The very thing I thought would bring comfort, instead brings fear. I guess it's not that difficult to understand. Everything Western has been so positive for him --Attention! Toys! Fun outings everyday! All you can eat! Kisses & hugs! I think he sees reminders of China as a threat --he does not want to lose his new life. How does he even wrap his 5 year old brain around his situation?
So we will continue to infuse bits of China into our daily life and seek to instill positive feelings in Yaojie for his homeland. We will continue Mandarin classes and hope to strengthen Yaojie's friendships with other Asian children, adopted and not. We want him to know that he can be 100% Chinese, 100% American, and 100% ours.
Before Yaojie's arrival, I networked hard with the Asian community. No one of even remote Asian ancestry crossed my path without me striking up a conversation, asking them to be my personal language tutor, requesting they do some light translation... or simply smiling giddily at our invisible connection. I set up play dates with families with little boys adopted from China, Hong Kong, Korea & Thailand. I located a bilingual babysitter and a Chinese pediatrician. I joined the local chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). I bought Chinese art and soaked up all Ni Hao Kailan had to offer. I once --OK, three times-- accosted an elderly Chinese man at the playground. And I'm not a bit sorry --he was from Shanghai! With a bilingual grandson Yao's age! After only minimal badgering, he gave me his phone number. I tried not the read into the fact that it had an out-of-state area code. Or that he darted to his car directly after.
It's all been for naught --Yaojie shuns all things Chinese. I did not see that one coming.
When he is around adults of Chinese descent --especially when they speak Mandarin to him--, he clings to me, wants me to hold him close, becomes nervous & agitated. The very thing I thought would bring comfort, instead brings fear. I guess it's not that difficult to understand. Everything Western has been so positive for him --Attention! Toys! Fun outings everyday! All you can eat! Kisses & hugs! I think he sees reminders of China as a threat --he does not want to lose his new life. How does he even wrap his 5 year old brain around his situation?
So we will continue to infuse bits of China into our daily life and seek to instill positive feelings in Yaojie for his homeland. We will continue Mandarin classes and hope to strengthen Yaojie's friendships with other Asian children, adopted and not. We want him to know that he can be 100% Chinese, 100% American, and 100% ours.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wild Care Bear
If she's not running on the kitchen table,
she's scaling the cabinets.
If she's not using soap to "paint" the mirror,
she's catapulting herself over the baby gate.
If she's not climbing into the refrigerator,
she's climbing into the freezer.
If she's not somersaulting off the couch,
she's putting pajamas on the dog.
If she's not chasing her brothers with a hockey stick,
she's dancing on the coffee table.
My girl.
I love her like crazy.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Just What we Wanted
It was 2 years ago tonight that we started the adoption process. Well, actually, we started the process in June of 2006 and then *bam* were pregnant with Josh in no time... But on May 5, 2008, we returned to our agency, ready to begin the paperchase towards adopting a healthy baby girl. At the time we anticipated a 3 year wait --which was perfect for us, since Josh was barely 2 and Cara was only 6 months old. I vividly remember driving to the informational meeting that evening --thoughts of our new daughter bringing smiles as they swirled in my head. I passed a street called "Megan" --the name we were planning to give our girl-- and thought it was kismet. A son and two daughters, how perfect. I had never felt more sure of a decision. Over the months, we completed our homestudy & dossier, wrote our checks and waited. Then last summer we saw a video of a little boy who, although shy, kept reaching for the microphone held by his caretaker. He was male. He was four. He was special needs. He met none of our qualifications. He was ours.
Sometimes in life, your Chinese baby girl is a rough-and-tumble 5 year old boy. Two sons and a daughter, how perfect.
Sometimes in life, your Chinese baby girl is a rough-and-tumble 5 year old boy. Two sons and a daughter, how perfect.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
30 and Out
In a miracle of science and nature, the kids and I all slept until 8:30 this morning. I know what you are thinking: "Ahhh" (pleasant sigh). But given the fact that we have to be out the door by 9:00 to get Josh to preschool, you should instead be thinking: "Ahhh!" (nervous shriek). Here is a glimpse of getting 3 children and a harried mom out the door in 30 minutes flat, without being late for preschool --ok, not being any later than we usually are...
"Josh, wake up and go potty... JOSH... potty, Josh... come on... *pulling covers off*... get up for school...JOSH... Yao, it's ok, accidents happen... DON'T take your pants off in here... no, go to the bathroom... I'll be there in a second *gathering bedsheets, pillowcase, comforter & pajamas and running them downstairs to the wash*... Cara, yes, I'm coming, yes, I'll get the spider... what did I do with him? Sent him home to his Maker... I mean his Mommy... Cara, get off the sink, get down right now!...here, put this on, Cara... how about this... how about this... how about this... no, it's 80 degrees you can't wear snowpants... OK, FINE, WEAR THE SNOWPANTS... Josh, your underwear are on backwards...Yao, wash your hands before you touch anything else... OK, Yao, I'll get your noodles...I said I'll get them. I'm getting them now... yes, I am getting them... yes, it will be big... ok, then which spoon do you want... the green one's dirty...I am not washing it... *washing green spoon* OK, here... Cara, get off the sink... Cara, stop feeding your waffle to the dog... Cara, CARA!... Josh, I don't know why my hair is curly... no, don't hand it to me, get a Kleenex for goodness sakes... how about this bowl... this bowl?... this bowl?... Cara, get off the sink... Where are your sandals, where are your sandals... here they are... oh, no! Dog poop! Cara, stop wiping the dog poop off the sandals... STOP IT! OK, everyone in the car... no, you can't buckle yourself... yes, Cara, that's a dandelion... ok, everyone stop picking Daddy's phlox... stop it... stop it... stop picking phlox... stop picking phlox RIGHT NOW...
And away we went --snowpants, defaced sandals, pocketfuls of phlox & all.
"Josh, wake up and go potty... JOSH... potty, Josh... come on... *pulling covers off*... get up for school...JOSH... Yao, it's ok, accidents happen... DON'T take your pants off in here... no, go to the bathroom... I'll be there in a second *gathering bedsheets, pillowcase, comforter & pajamas and running them downstairs to the wash*... Cara, yes, I'm coming, yes, I'll get the spider... what did I do with him? Sent him home to his Maker... I mean his Mommy... Cara, get off the sink, get down right now!...here, put this on, Cara... how about this... how about this... how about this... no, it's 80 degrees you can't wear snowpants... OK, FINE, WEAR THE SNOWPANTS... Josh, your underwear are on backwards...Yao, wash your hands before you touch anything else... OK, Yao, I'll get your noodles...I said I'll get them. I'm getting them now... yes, I am getting them... yes, it will be big... ok, then which spoon do you want... the green one's dirty...I am not washing it... *washing green spoon* OK, here... Cara, get off the sink... Cara, stop feeding your waffle to the dog... Cara, CARA!... Josh, I don't know why my hair is curly... no, don't hand it to me, get a Kleenex for goodness sakes... how about this bowl... this bowl?... this bowl?... Cara, get off the sink... Where are your sandals, where are your sandals... here they are... oh, no! Dog poop! Cara, stop wiping the dog poop off the sandals... STOP IT! OK, everyone in the car... no, you can't buckle yourself... yes, Cara, that's a dandelion... ok, everyone stop picking Daddy's phlox... stop it... stop it... stop picking phlox... stop picking phlox RIGHT NOW...
And away we went --snowpants, defaced sandals, pocketfuls of phlox & all.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
2 Months
Saturday marked 2 months since the day we took Sun Yaojie in our arms in a crowded Shanghai notary and became a wonderfully chaotic family of five. There have been highs --Mommy, give me kiss!-- and there have been lows --Whhhaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!-- but above all else it has been a time of learning, adjusting and settling into our new roles. Yaojie continues to both challenge and amaze us --he is incredibly bright and has been learning English in a flash. He's only been in America since March 11 and already he can understand the gist of everything we say to him. And his vocabulary! Just today he complained, "Josh bother me. Cara bother me. I don't like it!" Spoken like a true older brother! We have seen so many wonderful changes in him. Recent breakthroughs include conquering his fear of dogs --"That's nice! Soft!" he now says when petting Malarkey; Staying with the babysitter while I had to drop off some paperwork; Softening to the attention and conversation from new people; & forming bonds with my family, who visited from Pittsburgh last weekend. We've been so proud of him and at times I forget that he has not always been with us. As any parent --and especially an adoptive parent of an older child-- knows, our time together has had its challenges. There has been sibling jealousy, short-temperedness all-around, nights of crying out in pain, hurdles with his medical condition & tantrums --oh, dear God, the tantrums! Often in triplicate! In public! Complete with biting, scratching and strings of Chinese curses! There are challenges and triumphs, highs and lows. Eric and I have laughed, we've cried, we've instituted a daily happy hour. I hope that you enjoy following our story.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Man's Best Friend?
Let's just say that Yaojie is not a dog lover. We knew this may be an issue --there are not a lot of dogs in China. In fact, we saw only 2 small dogs and a cat the whole time we were there. Random sword dancing in the park: Yes. Dog walking in the park: Not so much. And, never leaving the orphanage, Yaojie certainly would not have had occasion to see the few dogs there are. Our agency even told us not to include pets in any of the photos we sent to China (on a side note, they also told us not to send any nude photos either. I assure you that had I sent nude photos of myself to China, then our dogs would be the least of Yaojie's worries!). Long story short: Our boy is terrified (and I mean screaming-and-trembling-in-his-Nikes (OK, Garanimals)- terrified. And, because of my volunteer work with the Humane Society, we have 3: Malarkey, our tri-colored menace; Grady, who has a deep-seeded paranoia of the floor, the ceiling and everything in between; and Baron, our 17 year old slowsky of a beagle. We are introducing our new son to his 4 legged siblings slowly. We brought the beagles hom from Eric's parents' last week and Malarkey is still at Eric's sister's --AKA Club Med for Dogs. We first showed Yaojie the dogs from afar. "GO!!! NO!!!" was his response. ("Go" means 'dog' in Chinese, which means that all the times I said that to my pups, I wasn't being antisocial, but rather... multicultural). Actually, Yaojie's reaction was more of a visceral yelp "GOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!" He screamed this in such a manner that had Eric offended that Yaojie was telling him to get lost and me making a mental note that our boy might just have the pipes for opera. Later that day, I took Yao to PetSmart and let him choose several types of treats for the dogs. He did not get the same pleasure out of PetSmart that Josh and Cara do --not an animal lover yet, this one! When we arrived home, Yaojie was excited about giving the beagles their treats. he didn't want to hand feed them, so, through pantomime, I suggested he throw them from the balcony. He ran out onto the balcony, screaming "GOOOO!!" in his guttural bark, and then threw the entire bag of treats over the balcony, much to the delight of Grady and Baron. It was one of my favorite Yaojie moments --his bellowing and the tossing of the treats. A week later, his fear remains. He did pet Baron from the safe haven of my arms, but this fear is very real and something we will work on every day.
Today at the park, we were having a picnic lunch and another family was sharing the other end of the picnic table. Unbeknownst to Yaojie, their standard poodle was laying under the table at his feet --and when he did notice, I was taken aback by his ability to launch himself vertically into the air. Yaojie may never be a dog lover, and that's OK. But we will help him to allay his fears. But the trip to PetSmart was not a total loss. I will play back the memory of him throwing those treats when I think back to the days of falling in love with Yaojie and hopefully he will look back at a time when his mother patiently helped him to face his fears, the way mothers do. And if nothing else, I did learn not to let Yaojie hold the bulk dog treats in the car, because no amount of pantomime can convince a perpetually hungry 5 year old that those little "cookies' are not for human consumption.
Today at the park, we were having a picnic lunch and another family was sharing the other end of the picnic table. Unbeknownst to Yaojie, their standard poodle was laying under the table at his feet --and when he did notice, I was taken aback by his ability to launch himself vertically into the air. Yaojie may never be a dog lover, and that's OK. But we will help him to allay his fears. But the trip to PetSmart was not a total loss. I will play back the memory of him throwing those treats when I think back to the days of falling in love with Yaojie and hopefully he will look back at a time when his mother patiently helped him to face his fears, the way mothers do. And if nothing else, I did learn not to let Yaojie hold the bulk dog treats in the car, because no amount of pantomime can convince a perpetually hungry 5 year old that those little "cookies' are not for human consumption.
Easy Like Sunday Morning
There was something about this morning. All 3 kids sat at the art table painting watercolors of pandas and complementing each other's work. Eric and I sat at the kitchen table, discussing the paper and drinking Chai tea. It was a scene from any household on a weekend morning. And in those moments, it all seems to easy.
Of course, in time, the water spills, the whining resumes, Josh finds a way to launch the others into annoyance-induced fits, and one of them unfortunately locates a flute.
But those moments --those moments of a new family falling into their rhythm, finding their harmony-- they are rejuvenating. They are what I will remember when I look back on this time.
Of course, in time, the water spills, the whining resumes, Josh finds a way to launch the others into annoyance-induced fits, and one of them unfortunately locates a flute.
But those moments --those moments of a new family falling into their rhythm, finding their harmony-- they are rejuvenating. They are what I will remember when I look back on this time.
Rhapsody at Trader Joe's
What a joy it is the show Yaojie the world. The park, a bike ride, the supermarket, the backyard swing set --it takes so little to evoke such delight. As to not overwhelm him, we are keeping his world small --introducing new people and experiences slowly. For him, the necessary monotony of orphanage life has given way to an explosion of newness. While grocery shopping today, he squealed with delight at the row of red carts, delighted that he would have the opportunity to ride in one. He pointed our the English words he already knows: "Oh! Banana! Apples! Chicken! Juice! Chocolate!" (I have mentioned his love affair with all things edible...) He excitedly helped me pile things in the cart --learning new words as we shopped: "Turkey...seeds...chips..." So many items that he's not seen before. I handed him butter and he asked through pantomime whether it should be eaten or spread on his diaper rash. I showed him colored pasta and he asked was it for the dog. He applauded when I put jelly in the cart. What a reminder to applaud the simple opportunity to watch my son's world open up, one small excursion at a time.
Here Comes the Sun...
Thank you, Sunshine. Because of you, 5 Trickles were able to spend the afternoon outside, running, chasing, laughing, hiding, growling, snarling, attacking... pretending to be dragons. (we ARE talking about 2 boys and a tomboy here!) It was a beautiful thing to see the universal language of play bring my kids together for a common goal: To gang up on there mother. All three laughed and scampered away as I chased and twirled them and spun a web of tales involving kings, a pink princess, a castle, and random kangaroos (I choose to applaud Josh's eccentric side...) No jealousy, no tantrums, no walking on eggshells. Only giggles and squeals of delight as they worked together to bring me down in a brutal overthrow *tear*. To any passer-by we would have been not a family who has been together for only six days, but simply a family. Playing and laughing in the sun.
Bonding Backwards
Yaojie and I play happily with blocks, we paint and smile at each other's work. If I read, then he wants to "read" beside me. If I take out my notebook to make a list, he takes out his to also write. We hold hands and one laughs when the other puts on a silly hat. Like any mother and her 5 year old son.
Yaojie and I cuddle in his bed to read or play with stickers. I marvel at his bath time waterfalls, each higher than the last. I come when he calls out in the night, stroke his sweaty head when he is upset. We delight together in the boats passing by our window. Like any mother and her toddler son.
Yaojie lays in my lap when he's tired, listening to me sing quiet lullabies. I carry him and he rests his sleepy head on my shoulder. He wants me near him and seeks me out when I'm not. Like any mother and her infant son.
We are bonding backwards in order to bond forwards. Learning our roles. Falling in love.
Yaojie and I cuddle in his bed to read or play with stickers. I marvel at his bath time waterfalls, each higher than the last. I come when he calls out in the night, stroke his sweaty head when he is upset. We delight together in the boats passing by our window. Like any mother and her toddler son.
Yaojie lays in my lap when he's tired, listening to me sing quiet lullabies. I carry him and he rests his sleepy head on my shoulder. He wants me near him and seeks me out when I'm not. Like any mother and her infant son.
We are bonding backwards in order to bond forwards. Learning our roles. Falling in love.
Moving Right Along
Partly because of the weather (our arrival was met with a 40 degree drop in temperature accompanied by continuous wind and rain...) & partly because of our need for proximity to the hotel (for both bathroom and meltdown reasons), we have yet to venture off the island here in Guangzhou. We've spent today and yesterday poking around town --there are several souvenir-type shops around the hotel and the hotel itself if like a little city. We've spent a lot of time at the deli/bakery right next to the hotel. They have something for everyone: Pastries for me, noodles for Eric and also Yaojie's favorite meal, which is food in mass quantities. We sit and eat, watching other families come and go. It seems that this part of Guangzhou is a lovely little town, but right now almost all of the roads in town are completely torn apart due to construction. And I do mean completely apart!! Danger awaits at every turn as we stroll along the streets, at times teetering on makeshift ramps with the stroller-- jackhammers pounding on either side. Luckily, growing up in Pittsburgh prepared me for not only the weather, but also the nonstop construction. We even saw a group of construction workers under a tarp playing cards and eating noodles on the job --Chinese PennDot? (that one was for my Pittsburgh friends) :) We have been doing a lot of shopping --souvenirish stuff as well as finer things to share with Yaojie over the years. Yesterday, our Consolate appointment went well (we didn't have to go) and today we go to take the oath. We are going to try to get Yaojie to take an oath as well while we are there... ;) Our time in China is winding down --tomorrow is our last full day, but we are all ready to go home, having many fond memories of China to look back on.
A Little Bit of China
As our time left in China slips away, I'm trying to think about things to buy for Yaojie that he may want in the future. It's easy to see what he wants now: Food! Toys! More Food! But I am thinking of years down the line --what will he want to have from his birthplace? What will I wish I had to give him? We've bought him a traditional Chinese outfit (adorable!) and a corduroy hat, nice chopsticks, a framed silk children's picture, some odds and ends. I bought a photo album with traditional Chinese fabric in red (good luck) to put his 100 wishes in. I am looking for a nice piece of jewelry to one day give to his bride. I am keeping my eyes open for other things that encapsulate his culture to be given throughout his life. I like to think that one day all 5 of us (never will I travel again without my children!!) will come to China and see Yao's birthplace, the place where he laughed and cried for over 5 years. I like to think that Yaojie will return here, perhaps with his work one day, perhaps with his family. I feel sad about taking him from his culture and a little guilty, too. It's so unfortunate, the circumstances that led him to us --but at the same time, we are so grateful for the chance to have him as our son, to raise him, to give him a good life and to have a better life because he is in it. We will make sure that he is a part of two rich cultures and I will bring little pieces of China to give him along the way.
Mama
From the start, Yaojie has called Eric and I "mama" and "baba". It is wonderful to hear those words from him. But I have also heard him call the cab driver "baba" and our guide, as well as the other American mother here "mama". To him, perhaps these words mean nothing --more like a first name than a title wrapped in security and love. It stings a bit to hear him use the term mama indiscriminately, but really, is it any wonder? He came from a wonderful orphanage, but the best orphanage in the world is still just that, an orphanage. What does "mama" mean to him... perhaps not much. His nannies certainly cared well for him, but his was a series of nannies caring for 500 children. Together, they did one job of a mother, they fed him, bathed him, taught him manners, laughed with him, played with him, taught him to brush his teeth. But does Yaojie know that a mother wipes your tears, holds you when it storms, rocks you to sleep, strokes your hair as you cuddle, walks the halls with you when you are sick. Did Yaojie have this? Who sat with him during his 8 month hospital stay at age 2? Who calmed his fears, eased his pain, brought a smile? Maybe someone. Maybe a rotating shift of nurses. Maybe no one. So I am going to enjoy his calling me mama and as I show him what this means, I will revel in the fact that one day when he calls "Mama," he will mean only me.
Dinner
One of the great things about our hotel --and there are many, in fact, this hotel is not open to the public, only businesspersons and dignitaries such as the Trickles-- is its proximity to the city center. It's a 15 minute walk (more, since I'm carrying and extra 35 pounds of Yaojie + whatever he's snacking on at the time :) Tonight, we walked with the other adopting couple to dinner at a food-court type place. I found some delicious looking noodles and rice dishes that I knew we would like. I tried to motion to what the chef was preparing in the wok and then point to myself and shake my head "yes". Can you believe he did not understand this sophisticated means of communication? :) The chef and other workers kept asking me all sorts of questions, none of which I understood (which reminds me, Ni Hao Kailan really failed me as preparation for this trip --all I can say is "red" "hello" and "slippers"...) At last, he made the dish. Now I had both dishes that I wanted but when I went to pay, they motioned me towards a kiosk. After standing there, befuddled and smiling for a long while, I understood that I had to pay elsewhere and went to pay. At the kiosk, they showed me a sign that said to use a debit card. I presented my credit card and they said "NO". Nor did they want cash --what does a girl have to do to get her boy some noodles? In the end, I realized that you have to prepay on a card and then use the card to buy the food... *duh*, makes sense to me now! My victory at securing the food was short-lived since that's when Yaojie spotted the orange pop and threw himself right down when I told him "no"... here we go again! People lined up to stare. I was just about ready to call a cab and head home --Yao wants me to carry him everywhere, which I happily do, but it is taking a toll on this out-of-shape mom!! Anyway, he calmed, ate his noodles, ate our rice, ate the meat, even ate onion soup with one hand and chocolate ice cream with the other. Things were good. My happy little boy was back. That's when he had an accident in his pants and because this is painful for him, he screamed our in pain continuously. I ran to the bathroom, mentally determining how I was going to get him home pantless. We get in the stall, discard the diaper and realize the. stall. has. no. toilet. paper. In fact, there is not toilet paper in the entire room. Luckily, the other mom came to the rescue. The same thing happened on the way home and I had to change him in the public hard. As I mentally calculated just how much money we would have left after I had to post bail... But all in all it was a happy day. Yes, there were tantrums, but that is expected and also far surpassed by the love, smiles, and joy that the day also brought.
Highs & Lows
Today we visited a shopping district in Shanghai --this city is HUGE-- and it was nice to see some of the more traditional Chinese items for sale, compared to the very modern and somewhat Westernized part of the city where we are staying. We bought a few items, but our shopping was curtailed by a 20 minute tantrum in the middle of a bustling square. Our guide had gone into the sild factory with the other family and Yaojie had a major meltdown --in retrospect, I should have just bought the toy!! Of course, it wasn't just about the toy, he's been such a trooper almost all of the time, but sometimes the changes, the sensory overload, the communication barrier and the medical aspect just culminate in a kicking-and-screaming display. I sure don't blame him --but I go the feeling that some of the locals who gathered around us in a semicircle to watch sure blamed us! There we were, 2 Americans holding a raging Chinese 5 year old... we were met with stares, suggestions of spanking him, and offers for more toys to buy... none of which were helpful! Eric went to get our guide, who Yaojie went to right away and calmed down, leaving me feeling dejected, but still thankful that he was calm. I should note that Yaojie had a similar meltdown at 3am because he wanted to go downstairs and have a big meal --no cracker, pb&j sandwich, banana or grape would do... my boy likes to EAT! In this case he eventually wore himself out but then wanted to stay up and play. One good thing is that he still wanted me right next to him despite being upset and immediately wanted a hug once he calmed down. But for most of the day, Yaojie was very happy and easygoing. He behaved wonderfully at breakfast (keep that congee coming!), in the taxi, on a boat ride, when the waitress never brought our lunch and we had no way to explain that we hadn't received it, during a cool tea ceremony we went to... he really is very mature in many ways. My almost-4 year old would never have sat for so long! And we had a very nice quiet time in the room, playing with stickers and Playdoh. He did have 2 more tantrums, one because we just couldn't understand whe it was he wanted to play with and the other because he wanted pop.. now that one deserves its own entry... :)
Paperwork, Pigs Feet & a Tantrum at Last
Love is patient... love is kind... love is when your child chooses eel and pigs feet from the all-you-can-eat dinner buffet and you agree to it...
Today was a morning of paperwork and an afternoon strolling around downtown Shanghai --our hotel is in a great location to walk around the city. We made a trip to the notary to finalize paperwork, making Yaojie an official Trickle (he later even had a 40 minute "yes-I-do-insist-on-one-more-granola-bar" tantrum to proove it!) Yaojie was incredibly well-behaved at the notary, despite the 2 cups of latte he was given by our guide... ;) He is just so mild-mannered and compliant (despite said tantrum). Perhaps born of necessity, he as been taught excellent behavior and self-help skills. One thing he loves to do it pretent to write in a little notebook that I sent to him months ago and in which the orphanage staff wrote good-luck messages. He makes a series of dots and lines, and I think he finds this soothing --or perhaps it is Morse Code for 'get me away from these crazies' He often gestures for me to bring it to him. In fact, he doesn't have much difficulty at all using gestures to make himself clear. He is already repeating words in English and understands a lot of what we say. He continues to eat like a line backer --he squealed with pure delight upon seeing the breakfast buffet, but then, so did Eric. His notes form the orphanage state that he does not like cucumbers --cucumbers? When I dish food onto his plate, he stretches his arms out, implying that he wants a large amount. He is so clever, we can already see that he has great reasoning skills, an impressive memory and good sense of direction (yes...he does correct me when I continuously leave the hotel room and walk the wrong way to the elevator). We have been spending a lot of time with the other family, who is adopting Lei. It has been awesome to share this experience and Lei is wonderful at helping Yaojie feel comfortable. Although, I will say that when Best Buy was broadcasting Steeler Super Bowl highlights, they did not share my enthusiasm. Nor did Yao, which will necessitate a Terrible Towel intervention upon arrival home. So, in short, Yaojie is officially ours and we are officially in love.
Today was a morning of paperwork and an afternoon strolling around downtown Shanghai --our hotel is in a great location to walk around the city. We made a trip to the notary to finalize paperwork, making Yaojie an official Trickle (he later even had a 40 minute "yes-I-do-insist-on-one-more-granola-bar" tantrum to proove it!) Yaojie was incredibly well-behaved at the notary, despite the 2 cups of latte he was given by our guide... ;) He is just so mild-mannered and compliant (despite said tantrum). Perhaps born of necessity, he as been taught excellent behavior and self-help skills. One thing he loves to do it pretent to write in a little notebook that I sent to him months ago and in which the orphanage staff wrote good-luck messages. He makes a series of dots and lines, and I think he finds this soothing --or perhaps it is Morse Code for 'get me away from these crazies' He often gestures for me to bring it to him. In fact, he doesn't have much difficulty at all using gestures to make himself clear. He is already repeating words in English and understands a lot of what we say. He continues to eat like a line backer --he squealed with pure delight upon seeing the breakfast buffet, but then, so did Eric. His notes form the orphanage state that he does not like cucumbers --cucumbers? When I dish food onto his plate, he stretches his arms out, implying that he wants a large amount. He is so clever, we can already see that he has great reasoning skills, an impressive memory and good sense of direction (yes...he does correct me when I continuously leave the hotel room and walk the wrong way to the elevator). We have been spending a lot of time with the other family, who is adopting Lei. It has been awesome to share this experience and Lei is wonderful at helping Yaojie feel comfortable. Although, I will say that when Best Buy was broadcasting Steeler Super Bowl highlights, they did not share my enthusiasm. Nor did Yao, which will necessitate a Terrible Towel intervention upon arrival home. So, in short, Yaojie is officially ours and we are officially in love.
Wonderful Yaojie
What a great first day for all of us! We met Yaojie at a local hotel with 4 other families who were meeting their little ones for the first time. He came in to the little conference room where we were filling out paperwork and came up to us right away, calling us Mama and Baba (Baba means both Dad & Poop, but we are not going to read into that one too much...) He was a bit nervous, but so were we! I gave him a bunch of Matchbox cars and we sat down on the floor to play together --crash derby, of course... aren't boys all the same? He had with him all of the gifts and cards we had sent, and also many special gifts from the orphanage, including a yearbook-type album of pictures of him and the facility. What a very special place it seems to be! We filled out a bit more paperwork and off we went-- Mother, Father, Son, a new family of 5. Some things about Yaojie that really stand out: He has the most pleasant personality, very happy, smily and silly. He loves to laugh, which is good because we love to do silly things! He loves to draw (which is great, but I'll tell you I did not find the improptu art session at 2am particularly enjoyable ;) He does have some difficulty with physical strength, but is very active. We walked all around downtown Shanghai (OK, he was carried for most of it, but we took it as a good sign that he wanted us to carry him!!) He enjoyed playing at a local park. He is all boy, gasping in delight when we pass a bus or motorcycle. (although, much unlike his brother, he walked right by a vacuum cleaner without declaring his undying love...) There is another couple here with us who adopted an adorable, lively and incredibly helpful 9 year old girl from the same orphanage. It's been great having other Americans to navigate Shanghai with! Yaojie communicates very well with us, using gestures. He does not speak much to us, he knows a glazed-over look when he sees one. But he chats happily with Lei, the little girl. At dinner, she translated for us that he would like a steak sandwich! One thing about Yaojie. The. Boy. Can. Eat. He never stops eating!! He is certainly a boy after his father's heart! When we met, the guide translated for us that he wanted to go to the supermarket! We took him just to grab a few things to tide him over until lunch --he plowed through fruit, vegetable, break, & cracker with little distinction! He even ate the boiling pot of chicken that we were inexplicably served at lunch. We are about to go to breakfast now at the hotel, and I do believe he will have them rethinking the All-You-Can-Eat policy. In short: Aren't children grand?
Funny Side Note: True to his culture, Yaojie arrived to us with no fewer than 3 layers of clothing and a winter coat --it's 50 degrees! He happily word a turtleneck, sweater, sweatshirt, pants, and long johns! Anyway, after a bath, I put him in short sleeved pajamas. In a very animated and shocked way, he kept motioning from his forearm to wrist and putting up his palms --"where is it?" Luckily, I put the long sleeved jammies on right away. What a cutie!
Funny Side Note: True to his culture, Yaojie arrived to us with no fewer than 3 layers of clothing and a winter coat --it's 50 degrees! He happily word a turtleneck, sweater, sweatshirt, pants, and long johns! Anyway, after a bath, I put him in short sleeved pajamas. In a very animated and shocked way, he kept motioning from his forearm to wrist and putting up his palms --"where is it?" Luckily, I put the long sleeved jammies on right away. What a cutie!
Gotcha!
A glimpse. A smile. A touch of the cheek. An embrace. Strangers become family. Four becomes five. This was the day we've waited for, hoped for, fretted about, prayed for and looked forward to with the butterflies-in-stomach anticipation that only a new child can bring. Today we met our new son. As we waited in the meeting room with the other families, I was struck by the enormity of the moment --this is the child I will teach to ride a bike, put on the bus to kindergarten, watch make friends, teach to drive, dance with at his wedding, and thank God for every day of my life. But, in the end, the moment was really quite simple. Parents and child meet. Their shared journey begins. Away we go...
Planes, Trains, Automobiles, a Minibus & a Tram
Picture it: Friday 2/26, Trickle House, 6pm. Our flight to Newark: Canceled for the morning due to wind gusts --OK, I could see if the wind was 60 miles per hour, but it was only 58! Our flight to Shanghai: Questionable. Suitcases: Unpacked. Necessary Documents: Unfilled out. Josh & Cara: Disgruntled over the cheese and raisins we've offered them for dinner. It seemed a nervous breakdown was imminent. Then we learned that if we did not make it to Newark for our morning flight, then there was not another available flight to Shanghai until Wednesday, which would not allow us enough time to process paperwork before out 3/8 Consulate appointment, meaning, we could somehow make it to Newark by morning, or wait weeks or months for a new Consolate appointment. The mere thought of waiting even more more day to bring Yaojie home --and to start our life as a family of five...well, that had padded walls written all over it. So, we booked 2 tickets from Amtrak, packed in a fury, loaded the kids into the car, and arranged for Eric's parents to drive us to Union Station. In DC. In the middle of the night. Luckily, they are suckers for adventure. We were at Union Station for 2 hours and then nearly missed our train when we realized that we were not waiting where the trains depart with the other ticketed customers. Instead, we were in a chaired area with, we'll say, the non-ticketed customers. (side note: Eric came out of the men's room shuddering. He still can't talk about what he saw). Thanks to a fellow traveler, we realized our error and were soon on the 3:15am Newark-bound train. Luckily, seated behind us was both a baby and a toddler, so we felt right at home. At Newark, we were told that since we were not on the first plane (yes, the canceled one!) that we lost out reservations to Shanghai... WHAT?! Oh, no, we would be on that plane! After several failed attempts to get assistance, I finally found a kindly security guard and promptly burst into tears while telling him our story..."wind...cancelled...Amtrak...public restroom...Shanghai...Yao..." He took me by the hand, cut me in front of the hundreds who were waiting and allowed me to check in and reclaim my tickets. If you are going to have a breakdown, might as well use it to your favor, right? In the end, we made it to Shanghai on a nonstop --albeit bumpy-- ride, located the luggage that we reported as lost when in fact we just didn't recognize our suitcase, met with our guide, made it to the hotel, and even met another family adopting from the same orphanage.
And now it is 8:15pm Sunday in Shanghai --and we haven't slept since Thursday... on that note, good night! Tomorrow, we meet our new son!
And now it is 8:15pm Sunday in Shanghai --and we haven't slept since Thursday... on that note, good night! Tomorrow, we meet our new son!
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